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A five-panel comic. The first panel shows a bald newscaster saying, ''According to recent scientific analysis, eating bacon causes cancer.' He continues in the second panel saying, ''Tragically, as a newscaster, I am unable to understand the difference between the questions, 'Does an effect exist?' and 'How strong is the effect?' Therefore, I have categorized all things into 'causes cancer' and 'does not cause cancer.' In the third panel, he says, ''Anything increasing the risk of cancer, no matter how minor the effect, will be treated as scary and important. For instance, the fact that I am bald means that people around me get a slightly higher dose of radiation from my body than they would if I wore a toupée.'' He announces in the fourth panel, ''I, Steve Jennings, newscaster... CAUSE CANCER!'' Only then does he seem to realize what he just read off the teleprompter. He angrily exclaims, ''Dammit! Did statisticians get loose in the newsroom again?'' The cameraperson yells at the newscaster, ''Stay back, cancer-head!''